Still in love with the world

Just a few days ago, I received the link to an interview between me and staff at KHOI-FM radio in Ames, Iowa, when I was about half-way through my journey to Standing Rock. I thank KHOI for providing this audio which also includes several voices of varying perspectives on the Dakota Access Pipeline, the issues impacting the region, the tribe and the environment.Sprouts Pacifica Network

On Dec. 13th, I was interviewed by Laura Elliott for WPVM.FM 103.7, another community supported radio station in Asheville, North Carolina. I offer them here as bookends of sorts for my pilgrimage along the pipeline. Please feel free to leave comments or questions below.

"Although the warrior's life is dedicated to helping others, he realizes that he will never be able to completely share his experience with others...Yet he is more and more in love with the world. That combination of love affair and loneliness is what enables the warrior to constantly reach out to help others. By renouncing his private world, the warrior discovers a greater universe and a fuller and fuller broken heart. This is not something to feel bad about; it is cause for rejoicing." ~ Trungpa Rinpoche

What am I left with inside and in service to the world now that I'm back in my familiar territory, in my old patterns, among my friends and family? A deep yearning continues to comprehend it all. Some of it feels like a protracted dreamstate.  A jagged wound festers in my spirit that no news story or government promise or funding withdrawal from DAPL seems to ease. The voices and the familiar photos on Facebook and other social media only fill me with a deep longing to be there again even though it is not the right time for a 66 year old non-Native to tackle the harsh North Dakota winter in a teepee. Even one with insulation. 

I lament the lack of photos from my trip. I wish that I had taken even more time than the seven days of slow travel and gotten closer to some of the people behind the military equipment if only to convince myself these are also humans like me. I wanted to make sure they weren't robots. Those photos I took speak volumes of the degradation of the earth, the lack of respect for the wildlife, the waterfowl, the insects, the very earth that binds it all together. I still cannot look at some of them without crying.

But where do all  these tears come from? 

Shortly after my return from Standing Rock in early December to the home I shared with my beloved companion, it became clear that our relationship was floundering for several reasons. We attempted to hash things out, restructure, pout, fight, make up, to no healthy end. So early in January, 2017, after a few weeks of sorting my possessions, packing boxes, dismantling the many parts of our life together, I shoved all my boxes back into the storage unit and moved in temporarily with a good friend, sharing her house for a couple of months until the next step in my life's path opened up for me.

I am convinced that this time traveling the heartland, opened a deep wound in my spirit that returning to the relationship could not mend. My heart and spirit have become much more entwined with the very earth I stand on, the Earth that lives me. The deep agony of witnessing her brutalization broken open my feeble wishes for the pathological destruction to stop. 

POSTSCRIPT 2018: In re-reading this narrative from two years ago, I realized that the seed that was planted at Standing Rock, had taken root, germinated, blossomed. Hearts and minds have been tapped and changed. Politicians have been elected that represent the world-view embodied at Standing Rock with real Natives now serving in Congress. Native women at that. Standing Rock began in the minds and hearts and calling of Native women. My dream, my hope, my fervent prayer is that these women will now be able to use the power of the Congress to open more hearts and minds and begin the long, long, journey back to loving Mother Earth.